>Finally I welcome, with wet panties, author of The Screamers @KiyaRaven!!
She is one hell of an author. She has a great...smutty...style of writing...smut...which is...smuttily...the best read....of smut...that I've had....smuttily...so far.
Her fic The Screamers has had well over 10,000 (TEN THOUSAND) reviews, which qualifies her into the Smutty Hall of Fame I would think.
If you are the sensitive type...don't read this! You have been smuttily warned!!
And...here we GO!
me: clears throat
So...if there' anything you don't want to answer just say 'no comment', 'fuck off' or some other journalistic mumbo-jumbo...clear?
kiyaraven: Clear.
me: First question:
I know this is pretty standard stuff, but...When did you start writing?
kiyaraven: Fanfic? Uh...wow, let me think. Probably about 18mths ago. I think it will be 2 years next April. (I have the world's worst memory.)
me: Did you write before Fanfic?
kiyaraven: I've always dabbled in creative writing, even when I was a kid. I wrote really atrocious poetry during high school, and then when I did my drama degree, I got into playwriting. I've now had several of my plays produced and toured, which is nice.
me: Wow..plays? That's so interesting...so are they touring around Australia then?
kiyaraven: None are touring at the moment but I have one that will tour next year.
me: What type of plays are they? Genre?
kiyaraven: Mainly I write for theatre, but the one next year is an opera. (Using existing opera arias. I DON'T write music.)
me: I am intrigued...Operas...like?? (that's an official looking question)
kiyaraven: Lol!
me: Is it like re-writing an original work and tweeking it into...?
kiyaraven: It's an historical piece about famous real life artists/opera singers.
me: So...no smut? pouts
kiyaraven: He he! Well, there's a very heated head-lock at one point, but alas, it doesn't lead to angry fucking.
me: I have to tell you... that after reading The Screamers...I now have a new reverence for smut...
You opened up a whole new world...(>MvirginsmutE<)… and I def don't mean that label as anything derogatory.
kiyaraven: Hahahaha!! You have NO idea how nervous I was when I wrote my first lemon for Screamers. God, the hell I went through. I'd never written ANYTHING like that before, and I was still relatively new to the fandom, so when I look back at it now, I kind of cringe because it was pretty clumsy, but hey...I've had LOTS of practice since then, and I hope I've improved. Lol,
me: I think you DEFINITELY have
...I kept thinking...you're like what Mrs TheKing is to potty talk, if you know what I mean. The HIGHEST compliment I could give you in my opinion...
kiyaraven: Haha!! Oh, God, that IS a compliment! MTK is the mistress of prose to bodily functions. She's the Keats of fart humor.
me: IKR? When I first used to see her tweets...I was like...wtf??? …until I read Gynazole...then it ALL made sense...
kiyaraven: Yes!! It's her passion for the poop-anecdotes that I respect. So dedicated.
me: I only stumbled, literally, into the fandom about...6-7 months ago...it's been quite an education...
kiyaraven: Oh, I bet. I seriously couldn't believe my eyes when I stumbled onto it. I'd never even heard of fanfic before, and suddenly there were stories with these awesome characters that I loved, and they were actually getting laid? I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.
me: YES! What was your first FF?
kiyaraven: Mine was 'The List' by Laura Cullen. Gah!!! Soooo freaking hot. It's about Edward and Bella exploring their sexual boundaries in the lead up to their wedding. It was my first experience with Twismut and it...was...awesoooome.
me: That sounds lovely...lol
I'll have to look that up. Although I find, as everyone does, that there just aren't enough hours in the day and there are SO many awesome fics out there...
kiyaraven: So true. I've actually read a couple of REAL BOOKS recenlty (*gasp* I know. Weird, right?), and I have to say, I was so damn disappointed in the quality of writing compared to a lot of the fanfic I read. I think fanfic has ruined me.
me: I agree.
What inspired you to write in the style that you do, Ms Pervy?
kiyaraven: hahaha! How did you know my nickname? Actually my nickname is Princess Pervalicious, but I digress...
me: oh..jotting that down…
Oh wait...it's right in front of me..LOL
I love digressing..js
kiyaraven: Uh...I don't know that anything in particular inspired my style. I just kind of started writing and it came out like that. From the beginning the Screamers characters and plot was really clear in my head, and I just enjoyed the creative release of writing so damn much, I didn't really stop to analyze the technicalities of what I was doing. It's probably not terribly...correct, IYKWIM.
me: Ok...never seen that acro...trying to figure it out...scratching my head
kiyaraven: haha! If you know what I mean.
I used to be TERRIBLE with acronyms. Twitter teaches you a lot.
me: newbie still trying...
kiyaraven: You'll get there, bb.
me: You are so ...mean...
kiyaraven: It's "IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN"
me: ...ROFL...duh
kiyaraven: ahahahahaha!
me: don't know if I can continue...too ...much...laughing...
kiyaraven: snort
me: I think I love you
kiyaraven: blush Aw, stop. I may have to call time-out for a grope fest.
me: Cools…so..fans self…srsly...trying...to pull..myself..together...
kiyaraven: haha!
me: deep breaths...not helping...now I can't type either...
kiyaraven: strokes bewbs It's all right, sweetie. Just relax.
me: Thanks, bb... put my head on your shoulder
Do your friends know you type this awesome-ness in FF?
kiyaraven: Uh...no, my real-life friends do NOT know about my fanfic. I mean, they know I'm an enormous perv, but if they read my fanfic? Uh...yeah, the true extent of my perversion would probs shock them. Or turn them on and make them want to hump me. Either way, it's going to be awkward. I've met a few awesome ladies through the fandom though, and we've become really good friends. They know my propensity for smut and porn, and they accept me anyway.
me: That's sweet...
kiyaraven: I think so
me: But I know what you mean about what you said before...the style of writing...I think there's just something about the characters that just scream (haha) at the writer to re-write them into ones who are naughty..
kiyaraven: Oh, hell yes. I think there's just so much repressed sexual tension in the Twilight saga, and it needed to be channeled somewhere. SHAZAM!!! Twific is born. Hallelujah!
me: Amen!
Did you read Twilight books first, or see the movies? And why?
kiyaraven: I read the books just before the 1st movie was released. I'd heard about them from various sources, and one day I just decided to try them because I'm a huge vampire fan. After the first one I was hooked.
me: May I ask...how old are you?
kiyaraven: No comment...hahaha
me: ok. What do you think of SM's writing?
kiyaraven: I think SM did an incredible job creating some REALLY compelling characters, most notably Edward. I don't think her writing is exceptionally good, but it has that special something that has hooked millions of readers. I REALLY wish she'd publish Midnight Sun, because from what I've seen of it, it's her best writing yet. (Having said that, "The Brief Life of Bree Tanner" was the most boring piece of crap I've read in a long time.)
me: Mmmm-hmmm...Edward...yes...I loved the character...so much so...that I 'used' to say that I thought RP was an idiot...(don't hit me)...until some lovely ladies started tweeting Robporn...and I started clicking on them...
oh crap...my notes...they're in the puddle under me...
kiyaraven: Hahahah!! Oh, honey, I hear 'ya. I'm all about the Robporn. The man is obscenely sexy and makes me Robgasm daily. I want to nom him all over.
me: Let's digress...just thinking about him... panting...he does take a lovely photo...
kiyaraven: Oh...guhhhhhhhh.
Seriously, I can't...fuck...he's just...arrrgh!
me: I.. no...words... lick screen
kiyaraven: http://melbietoast.tumblr.com/post/1437498708/sexy-rob-enhanced-in-b-w-mtv-awards-in-2008
kiyaraven: hahaha! Check out this review I just got for Screamers "This story has made me laugh...cry...and also made me wonder for your sanity." Yep. that's about right.
me: That's ffabulous!
Again...I Flove you...so much...click onto faves
kiyaraven: Hehehehehe!
me: Hey...aren't we all insane?
kiyaraven: Some of us more than others, honey. ;P
me: My hubs srsly was on "wife watch" when I first started reading/writing/tweeting...kids were thinking I was about to lose my few marbles...
kiyaraven: hah! My hubs thinks it's hilarious that I tweet with my pervs every day. He sometimes sends me porn to share with them. He's giving like that.
me: What an awesome hubs...I also have kids who buy me posters...right, like I'm going to put them up...where?
kiyaraven: IKR? I have about four posters. They're all rolled up in my cupboard. Hubs vetoed me putting them on the ceiling. Fucking killjoy.
me: LOL...that's what I thought, too...altho my hubs is a pretty happy camper these days...'something' has changed...in his little world...and he likes it...
(might not add that into post--haha) Aaah...what the hell!
kiyaraven: Hah!! I think there are LOTS of husbands out there that owe a massive rise in their happy times to fanfic/Robert Pattinson. I also think fanfic is making ladies more adventurous in bed.
me: SO TRUE!!!!!!
cough...so true...
kiyaraven: (My hubs loves reading my stuff, but realistically, he only reads the smut. Dirty boy.)
me: You're brave...
It took me a long time to let mine read my fic..and I don't have 1% of smut you have..
Think I'll make him read yours, tho...he loved MTK's Gynazole A LOT!
kiyaraven: Haha!! I didn't let him read it for AGES! Eventually I caved, but he still hasn't finished Screamers. He's dying to read Grasping Darkness because he knows it has lots of smut.
me: And I've been sending him chappies of MoTU.
Note to self: I am DEF reading GD...
kiyaraven: OOh...has he asked to tie you up yet?
me: Not yet...I keep hoping...
kiyaraven: Haha!!!
me: Well...to be honest (??)...he did pull out tie once...kinda scared me tho, and he keeps talking about installing plant hook in the ceiling..I think it's gotta be a whopper of a plant...
kiyaraven: Hah!!! I think I love your hubs.
me: He's also been reading this book on how to please a woman. It's a pretty good book...
kiyaraven: Ooh, I bet. I think ALL hubs should read fanfic so they can learn how to pleasure their woman. Apart from the physical description of how to get their lady off, fanfic contains a lot of very..uh..stimulating fantasies. Should be required reading.
me: Yes...I agree nods head furiously
If they only had it when we were younger (meaning me and my hubs) cuz we're OLD...wow
kiyaraven: Pfft.
me: Wanted to ask you about the last few chapters where you write a lot about the homeless shelter...is it a 'cause' for you?
kiyaraven: Yeah, it is actually. A lot of my Bella came from a friend of mine who spent some time on the streets when she was a teenager. It's just an issue that absolutely breaks my heart. I used to work near a homeless shelter and would often see everyone coming and going. One day I saw a man with his son. The little boy must have been about three. It killed me to see that little boy - no toys, no home, no Mommy, no friends. It still makes me emotional. Now, whenever I donate to charity, I make sure it goes to the homeless. There but for the grace of God and all that.
me: Truly...that's just great...I totally feel that...why are we where we are and they're where they are...doesn't make sense...so not fair..
kiyaraven: True. I think a lot of us take what we have for granted. I try not to do that. Everyday I look at my life, even when I'm having a day where I'm neck-deep in crap, and I think...really, I don't have it bad. In fact, I'm pretty fucking lucky.
me: Yes...when my daughter had a b-day party we asked or donations to the food bank instead of gifts...we ARE so lucky...
kiyaraven: Oh, that's a GREAT idea! I'm so going to steal that.
me: I think one of my very fave parts in this story occurs in Pt. 1 of the Beginining of the End...Bella answes her cell...in a very pervy way and a priest replies...
My phone rang just as Jas and I got out of the car. I gestured for him to go on without me as I fished my phone out of my bag and held it up to my ear, quickly glancing at the caller ID in the process.
I smiled to myself as I answered it.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my fuckhot rock-star boyfriend and his never-flaccid glory-cock that fucks me into oblivion on a daily basis. How are you, lover? Still sporting wood I hope."
There was silence for a few seconds before an unsteady high-pitched voice said, "Uh...Miss Swan, this is Reverend Rachleff from the Church in Westwood. You left a message for me about officiating some services at Sanctuary. Your boyfriend is here picking up some hymn books and kindly let me borrow his phone since the battery went dead in mine."
My heart leapt up into my throat, strangling me with complete and utter mortification.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I did NOT just say the words 'glory-cock' and 'fuck me into oblivion' to a priest!
Ohhhhh, giant shitting crap-balls. I'm going to have a room reserved for me in hell that's filled with bagpipes, Justin Bieber songs, and people who slurp their soup.
I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the wall next to me, banging my head gently against the cold bricks.
"Oh, Christ...I mean, hell. Fuck. Jesus! NO! Not fuck Jesus! I meant 'fuck' as a completely separate word to 'Jesus'. I would NEVER say 'fuck Jesus'...although realistically I did just say it...several times...but that was just to illustrate that I wouldn't actually say it. Oh, fuck me.
THAT WASN'T A REQUEST!"
FUCKING HELL, SWAN, STOP FUCKING TALKING FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, mouthing the word 'fuck' over and over again until I felt I had control over my vocabulary.
"Reverend," I finally managed to rasp, "I'm so very sorry for what I just said. Please forgive me.
Thank you for calling me back."
My phone rang just as Jas and I got out of the car. I gestured for him to go on without me as I fished my phone out of my bag and held it up to my ear, quickly glancing at the caller ID in the process.
I smiled to myself as I answered it.
"Well, well, well, if it isn't my fuckhot rock-star boyfriend and his never-flaccid glory-cock that fucks me into oblivion on a daily basis. How are you, lover? Still sporting wood I hope."
There was silence for a few seconds before an unsteady high-pitched voice said, "Uh...Miss Swan, this is Reverend Rachleff from the Church in Westwood. You left a message for me about officiating some services at Sanctuary. Your boyfriend is here picking up some hymn books and kindly let me borrow his phone since the battery went dead in mine."
My heart leapt up into my throat, strangling me with complete and utter mortification.
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. I did NOT just say the words 'glory-cock' and 'fuck me into oblivion' to a priest!
Ohhhhh, giant shitting crap-balls. I'm going to have a room reserved for me in hell that's filled with bagpipes, Justin Bieber songs, and people who slurp their soup.
I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned against the wall next to me, banging my head gently against the cold bricks.
"Oh, Christ...I mean, hell. Fuck. Jesus! NO! Not fuck Jesus! I meant 'fuck' as a completely separate word to 'Jesus'. I would NEVER say 'fuck Jesus'...although realistically I did just say it...several times...but that was just to illustrate that I wouldn't actually say it. Oh, fuck me.
THAT WASN'T A REQUEST!"
FUCKING HELL, SWAN, STOP FUCKING TALKING FOR FUCK'S SAKE!
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, mouthing the word 'fuck' over and over again until I felt I had control over my vocabulary.
"Reverend," I finally managed to rasp, "I'm so very sorry for what I just said. Please forgive me.
Thank you for calling me back."
...sooo funny
kiyaraven: Hahaha!! Oh, yes. I remember it well. Sometimes I write things like that and think, "Oh dear God, Kiya. you are one sick perv," and I'm always surprised when other people find it funny. My sense of humor is warped, and it warms my heart to know that there are people out there who are just as fucked up as I am.
me: Yes...fucked up...sums it up...really well.
You mention of Monty Python...are you a fan?
kiyaraven: HUGE Python fan. I can pretty much recite all the movies, I own all the TV series and most of the albums. I even have some of the scripts. So...yah...big fan.
me: My hubs is...and I wanted to get that anniversary edition last year for Christmas and didn't...not a great shopper (memory fail) so I'm so glad you reminded me...
kiyaraven: Amazon is great for python.
me: Your memory can't be that bad...
kiyaraven: hah...It's pretty bad. I used to have an amazing memory, then I had kids. Uh...what were we talking about?
me: LOL...please...don't....okay...do...I'm barely hanging on...
(I'm just hoping for more bewbie gropes<--shameless)
kiyaraven: extremely perverted gropage Better?
me: Oh...right..rolls eyes ...NOW it's all...better...
Reminder to self: breathe
kiyaraven: Lol! H00r.
me: Why...thank you...SO much...noone's ever called me that before...blushes
I think I've been promoted to another echelon...
kiyaraven: It's a true term of endearment. I also like h00kah, but we need to bond more over porn and peen before I can call you that.
me: I'm game...again...shameless...and extremely fan-girlie
kiyaraven: Hehe. We'll set up a tweet-date. I'll wear a pink carnation.
me: and I'll wear..anything you want me to...(srsly cannot type anymore)
I'm calling my realtor...re-locating to Oz...going to stalk you...
kiyaraven: Well, you would obviously wear nothing. H00kahs need to be ready for action at a moment's notice.
me: ok...thinks: glad I've lost a few
kiyaraven: You're welcum at my place anytime, hot-stuff.
me: blow-drying my notes
kiyaraven: snicker
me: HAHA--do you have any distractions when you're writing? winks
kiyaraven: Hmmm...well, I try to write when there's no one around. I get very stabby if people interrupt me....or make noise...or breath too loud. Yeah...I usually write with ear plugs, and of course I have to have frequent alcohol/twitter/porn breaks. I'm very disciplined.
me: I find Twitter EXTREMELY distracting...haven't written much since...addicted...cannot tear myself away...especially when you start with your robporn...
kiyaraven: I know. I distract myself. Often.
me: Do you listen to music at all when you write?
kiyaraven: Not when I write, but I always listen BEFORE I write. Because I'm writing two very different fics at the moment, I need to get into a specific headspace for each one, so I have a playlist that helps me do that.
me: What would a few examples of songs be on your playlist?
kiyaraven: Well, for Diva Diaries, i listen to a lot of chick-rock - Kelly Clarkson, Pink, etc. For Grasping Darkness I go for Nine Inch Nails, Massive Attack, that sort of thing.
me: Ok..cool..
I been clicking on stuff people tweet...am getting more enlightened...I'm a HUGE Muse fan...
BB...I lost (damn g-chat) you...tears
whispers you there?
kiyaraven: Shit, sorry, honey. I accidentally closed the window. facepalm Was trying to close something else.
me: Forgiven..
kiyaraven: Did you ask another question? Sorry i missed it.
me: Umm...yes...and it was 'the' pivotal one for our interview...snickers
kiyaraven: Oh, very funny.
me: I try...but you're a hard act to follow
kiyaraven: Lol
me: I'll just hang onto your coattails..k?
kiyaraven: No probs. Although I'd prefer it if you hung onto mah bewbs. Just sayin'.
me: gasp...ok...if you give me permission hanging on
kiyaraven: sigh that's better.
me: I love how you've written in multiple POV's within a chapter...was that difficult?
kiyaraven: It didn't seem difficult at the time, but now when I try to do it, I find it really hard!! I generally try to stick to one POV generally, but I recently changed POV's in GD (from Edward to Bella) and because I'd been writing Edward for so long, I found it really difficult to get back into the mindset of a woman. Kinda weirded me out.
me: Edward's POV is so fun to write, right? A lot of authors can't stand Bella...think she's boring...you?
kiyaraven: I think Bella's whatever you make of her. I mean, in the books she's incredibly bland, but I think that's why I enjoy writing her. I like to try to make her likeable, because honestly, TwiBella pretty much annoyed the crap out of me.
me: You did make Bella great in this fic...I must agree..I didn't think she was bland at all..took me awhile to get used to what was coming out of her mouth...but...all good after that.
You have a GIFT!
kiyaraven: blush
"out-take":
me: Whispers am I keeping you from...sleep? Just tell me when you've had enuf, k?
Cuz I could go on and on and on...
You are the most amazing person to chat with...and I was so nervous...now I'm so in love with you.
Does that sound as weird as it does when I see it in print?
kiyaraven: Hahaha! It's 1.32am here but I'm usually awake at this hour. I'd make a great vampire! You've been amazing to chat to as well. We could do this all night!! Not weird at all - lololol!!
me: proverbial diarrhea
kiyaraven: Hahahahah!
me: don't know what that means...but when I get 'going'...
Well I can't read my notes any more...so let's just digress...Rob...that jaw...those lips...
Wait! What!?! 1.32 am.!!!!!
kiyaraven: Oh, God...the lips. the EYES!! Jesus! The -come-fuck-me eyes.
me: OMG..Kiya...I'm drowning here...
I'm soooo sorry...I thought it was 12 hour diff....m'i bad?
I'm soooo sorry...I thought it was 12 hour diff....m'i bad?
kiyaraven: haha!! It's all good, bb. Don't worry about it.
me: I will let you go to sleep since it’s so late for you...hugs...thanks...hugs...just cuz I love your bewbs hugs
kiyaraven: Heheh!! hugs/sneaky gropes Yours aren't too bloody bad either.
me: YOU ARE TOTALLY FUCK-AWESOME!!
BLUSHES
shouty caps...sorry
but I meant it
dialing realtor
kiyaraven: I LOVE SHOUTY CAPSS!!!
me: searching flights to Oz online
kiyaraven: Ha!! It's a BEWDIFOOL time of year to visit. Just sayin. No pressure.
We have lots of eucalypts, very green. I love Oz. Tis beautful.
me: counting pennies
...and I really can't show you the rest...as they is 'history'...
...and I really can't show you the rest...as they is 'history'...
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