Some of you might not recognize the names Simone&MarieAyanna, but they’ve written a fantastic, angsty fic called, Disjointed (among others, check their profiles). I don’t remember how I came across this fic, I think somebody rec’d it, but it is so well written, I am astonished they have not gotten more recognition because of it.
They are wonderful and funny. Well…not funnier than me - ha! I had such fun with them. They would not sign out of Twitter and taunted me mercilessly throughout the fucking interview. The nerve!! So…they –will 0 pay. Trust.
And you know what comes next…without any further damn babbling from me…the Interview:
Simone: Please add me as a contact
Kris: Kris has shared contact details with Simone:
Kris: Hi!
Simone: HEY!
Kris: It helps if I was "ONline" lol
Simone: LMAO Have you found M?
Kris: I did get a request…one sec
Simone: Kay, do you know how to Group Chat? I don't. ;)
Kris: I have help (Read: I need help!)
*** Kris added MarieAyanna M ***
Kris: Yipee! ... Hi
Simone: Are we all together? YESSSS!!!!
Kris: So sorry, didn't think that would be so complicated ;P
Simone: lmao... nothing is ever easy
Kris: Okay. we could have fun with emoticons, seriously - like all day. lol
Simone: Well, I've been using Skype IM for all of __ minutes
Kris: really?
Simone: yep
Kris: clears throat -- get ready for my disclaimer.
Simone: nervous
Kris: You should be.
Simone: Okay… aw crap lol
Kris: type s.l.o.w.l.y. for me
Simone: okay
The Interview begins:
Kris: So...haha …stop with the Twitter!
(these 2 wise-guys taunt me…twittering obscenities during my interview! I will make them pay! evil laugh)
Kris: jk
Simone: sorry
Kris: Funny (referring to Twitters) I'm the funny…
If… clears throat again
… at any time you do NOT wish to answer one of my stupid questions, please say "No Comment" or fuck off, or some other same such journalistic mumbo-jumbo (this is my copyrighted schpiel - not really)
Simone: Ha okay
MarieAyanna: LOL
Kris: Are you offended by cursing?
MarieAyanna: Nope.
Kris: Yay!
Simone: Hell, no!
MarieAyanna: …as evident by our OS that will post next week.
Simone: Ha- yes.
Kris: Oooh…cannot wait!!! Where will it be posted?
Simone: On our profile.
MarieAyanna: ./.
Kris: Awesome! So, as you can see my interview style is conversational, which is why I cannot do this via email or shit like that.
MarieAyanna: It's good.
Simone: I like it.
Kris: I reserve the right to edit as I see fit to… STOP THAT (referring to more Twittering whilst my serious interview – they are SO going to pay…) TY
... as I see fit.to suit my own personal agenda, and I will make you guys look really good (NOT REALLY)
Simone: ooooookay
Kris: Do NOT worry about typo's. I will edit. So whether you make them or not, doesn't matter. I'll put them in just for fun.
MarieAyanna: qm (kills myself laughing)
Simone: ukaiy
Kris: Do you have a freak dentist appointment or something now?
MarieAyanna: Nope all yours.
Kris: Second thoughts? (not actually believing they agreed to my nonsense shit of a disclaimer, they must be slow…)
Simone: Nope…hit us with it. DO IT
Kris: Good.
MarieAyanna: Bring it on!
Kris: You guys are demanding!
Simone: 'Cited (ßthis was her own typo – not me!)
Kris: EEK!
MarieAyanna: I know right?
Simone: Damn right.
Kris: I have never done an i'view with 2 people before, so this could go horribly wrong or outrageously GREAT!
Simone: Ha - it'll be fun. I'll go with the latter
Kris: Good. Question #__ (Ok, this is kinda funny awkward laugh but when I was editing this, I accidentally deleted ALL numbers, and being too lazy to hit that ‘back’ button 23 million times to recover said numbers have decided to leave them out, use your imagination, folks :p)
MarieAyanna: It will fucking be awesome and hysterical.
Kris: It will nods (cannot fucking remember what she is responding to, but decide she is nuts and agree with it)
Kris: How did you two become writing partners? Go!
MarieAyanna: We met on the discussion board at Twilight Facebook and one day I asked her if she wanted to write a story. Her being 'Mone (that is the weirdest nickname ever, eh?)
Simone: She basically cyber stalked me ‘til I agreed. She being 'Rie (they must really be close, they can’t remember each other’s names, weird.)
MarieAyanna: You know you're my whore just admit it…
Simone: I'm your whore and I love it.
Kris: finger up (yeah…’that’ finger)
Simone: No, I'm your whore and YOU love it.
MarieAyanna: Uh huh…
Kris: Cyber stalking. Hmmm. I'm a writer, too, you know? (hint, hint)
Simone: lol yep. Daily. (are you guise following this, I am lost - think they forgot I was here)
Simone: lol. You want us to cyber stalk you?
Kris: YES! (they didn’t forget I was here wipes away tear) But you did for a while...what happened? Was I too boring?
MarieAyanna: You know I hunt down stalkers.
Kris: …
Simone: Hey, did I miss out on this cyber stalking-ness?
MarieAyanna: I get busy with work.
Kris: rolls eyes Work? Yeah, right!
Simone: I promise to Cyber Stalk you daily from hereonin. (not correcting, cuz she has NOT stalked me at ALL since this interview happened huffs)
Kris: You're teasing me with that li’l pencil. (referring to Skype chat’s annoying pencilin the chat window as a person is typing)
AWESOME! LOl Twitter...gotta love it (they’re tweeting shit about me again ;p)
Simone: truefax
Kris: I was going to close it down...usually do during an interview. But I could tell something about you guys that I needed to keep my eyes open.
Question #__ (you're teasing me (again, with the damn Twitter))
Kris: How long have you been writing together?
Simone: Coming up to two years?
MarieAyanna: It will be __ years this summer.
Kris: This is going to be hell to edit, js. #random
Simone: Sorry.
Kris: Why did I want to do this?
Sorry, but I fail in the research department, but I'm assuming you've each written fics on your own?
MarieAyanna: Nope, always as a team.
Simone: Nope.
Kris: Really? I'm kinda shocked.
Simone: Yep. Always a partnership and always will be.
Kris: How did you know you could write?
MarieAyanna: I have no desire to write with anyone else, we play well off each other and make it work.
Simone: That's true. As for how, we just tried it out one day, wrote some chapters in advance to see whether it worked. And it worked. Well, we think it did.
MarieAyanna: I don't know if I knew, I just wanted to take a chance.
Kris: reading
Simone: …
Kris: But.. .where did you get the idea in the first place?
MarieAyanna: the box in my hand says moisten – ha.. sorry (huh?) I e-mailed 'Mone one day and said "How hot would it be to have Edward as a rockstar and Bella as his stalker? 'Cause I didn't care much for Bella at the time.
Kris: …box? lost
MarieAyanna: box for dinner
Kris: Oh. (no fucking clue….) still lost
Simone: She knows I HATE the word moist.
MarieAyanna: Bad joke, sorry.
Kris: Are you the Brit?
Simone: Me? Yep
Kris: I do NOT get British humor.js
Simone: Oh damn.
MarieAyanna: Oh god - British humor is the best!
Kris: Oh.
Simone: I concur.
Kris: Well… okay…
Simone: Don't worry, I'll get you LOVING it. hahaha
Kris: I'd actually flove that. (yeah… not really)
Simone: You got it. We'll do it. You, me, Rie... sorted (what the hell are they on about?)
Kris: I'm kinda dying here. (referring to boobie groping going on in Twitter atm… ;p)
Simone: In a good way or bad way?
Kris: …all the boobie groping.
MarieAyanna: Brads!
Simone: hahahaa Brads is cockney slang for Tits
Kris: I'm gonna need like a TO… js … to gather myself
MarieAyanna: I wanna touchy the brad pitts while you toss me
Kris: Oh, I love learning new things… giggles
reading
MarieAyanna: I'll stop and be serious now.
Simone: Me, too.
Kris: No, never serious. I cannot be serious… seriously.
Simone: Back to your question, M asked me one day if I wanted to try writing a fanfic with her. We brainstormed for, like, AGES and then, Sex on Fire was born.
Kris: Aahh... is it good? lol
Simone: Fucking amazing.
Kris: I somehow thought you might say that5 (don't worry I always fix my own typos) I'm psychic. (left that in there…you know, cuz I’m sweet like that)
Kris: Question #__ (was gonna do #__, but I'll save that for later, if you'll notice, I do them in backwards order, it's a thing with me lately.)
Reminder: I fucked up and deleted all numbers… read up
Kris: Oh yeah, question!
Simone: hehehe
Kris: Where did you get the idea for Disjointed? It's pretty angsty, to say the least, which I absolutely love.
Simone: We entered the Picture Says It All O/S contest that KhariZZmatik and Shear Envy were running. One of the pictures on there stood out to me and I couldn't stop thinking of this idea of having Edward in jail.
Simone: I pitched it to M that we write a short story, but one that had short chapters. And didn't really flow, but made sense.
Kris: When did you begin to write it? serious face on
MarieAyanna: Back in December.
Kris: So, is it completely written, and if so, how many words?
MarieAyanna: Iit took approximately __ days to write __chapters
Simone: It is completely written. At the time of doing this interview, there are two chapters left.
MarieAyanna: Under __k
Kris: How does it work, people writing. Do you each write within one chapter, or your own chapters?
MarieAyanna: With Disjointed I did Alice, Jake and Bella. With the other stories we write each chapter together.
Kris: That's so cool. I will def’ check out the other ones.
Simone: On our longer stories we write chapters together. On Disjointed, as M said, she did Alice, Jake and Bella and I did the others. And I specifically waited for her to hit me with her chapters before I wrote Edward’s.
Kris: Do you each pick a character within a chapter on your other stories?
MarieAyanna: Other stories, we write them together.
Kris: And...how does it go back and forth?
MarieAyanna: There is an occasion where we will do a chapter by ourselves but that is rare. ‘Mone did the prologue for SoF and I did the epi. (Sex on Fire)
Simone: We work in GDocs at the same time, so we write together.
Kris: Oh... ok.
MarieAyanna: We have a lot of the chapters planned out so we know what is coming and before we start a story we decide who we are going to be.
Kris: I get it.
Simone: So in Sex on Fire, I was Edward, M was Bella
Kris: Ok. bored Do you have a new fic in the works? (questions might be ‘disjointed’ - lol)
MarieAyanna: We have one that we did for Fandoms Fight Floods called Cotton Candy Kisses. It is a Jasper/Bella story.
MarieAyanna: Edward will have his own story from Beauitful Nightmare also.
Kris: Can't wait to read that… made my donation smiles
MarieAyanna: Thank you!
Simone: We're always coming up for ideas so there's always plans for new stories.
Kris: (actually I wrote something, but didn't get on the list due to some email issues they had - so disappointed)
Simone: CCK will become multi chapter from June and we've already started brainstorming future chapters.
(Oh that's a shame)
Kris: (terribly bummed about it, enuf about me)
MarieAyanna: We've also signed up to do Fandom against Sexual Violence as well.
Kris: Aahh… I might be on for that, have to check.
MarieAyanna: We just got compared to EP - holy jeez.
Simone: I saw that. WOW
Kris: So, I've seen some comments (really??? WOW!) about no lemons in your fic, and reviews...care to comment?
MarieAyanna: Read SoF.
Simone: There are lemons in SoF.
MarieAyanna: … big ones too.
Kris: Right, but… Disjointed.
Simone: There is a non-graphic lemon in Beautiful Nightmare too! Disjointed doesn't really need a lemon.
MarieAyanna: Disjointed is not that type of story. Want a hot lemon - My Hose & Her Kitty…
Simone: Fucking hot lemon in that one.
Kris: Love the title.
MarieAyanna: Jasper has a hose - a very large one!
Kris: haha
Simone: ‘Mone dies every times she reads it.
Kris: gotta go and read c ya…
Simone: lmao
Kris: thinking talk amongst yourselves…
MarieAyanna: I made ‘Mone drip with my description of Jasper.
Simone: PUDDLED
Kris: I think that Disjointed would be an awesome story for MADD to use.js
Simone: MADD?
Kris: It has such a great powerful message.
MarieAyanna: Mothers Against Drunk Driving
Kris: Mothers Against Drunk Driving hah - you type faster
Simone: We've had a few people say that school kids should read it.
Kris: Def’, they should.
Simone: And you know, if school kids DO read it and it makes them think twice, then all the better.
Kris: I have goosebumps the whole day after reading.
Simone: Really?
Kris: Really. nods
Simone: Wow.
Kris: Do you NOT read my reviews? hands on hips
Simone: ha - YES I DO!
Kris: I know they're very short…sorry. I love it so much though.
Simone: Thank you.
MarieAyanna: Thank you.
Kris: YW.
Have you ever met in RL? ß Question #__ (hope you all remember about that number thing…winks)
MarieAyanna: Yes, we have.
Kris: Cool. Question #__
Did you do any writing when you met?
Simone: Yep, we worked on Sex on Fire.
Kris: Did you sit together in the same room, or use e-mail?
Simone: When we wrote together? Same room, same PC, we did our bit then handed the laptop over to the other.
Kris: Oh, ok.
Simone: Actually, M, that was fun, when we wrote together.
MarieAyanna: We got like __ chapters done in half a day.
Simone: Yes we did.
Kris: I was just going to ask if it was faster.
MarieAyanna: Way faster.
Simone: Very much so. And it helped being the same time zone too.
Kris: I bet.
MarieAyanna: Yes it did.
Kris: Question #__ So, do you have a set schedule for writing? (Individually/together)
Simone: Not really. If we have deadlines (like we did for FAGE and Fandoms for Floods) we obviously try and get our stories done before then and in good time so that we can send them to our beta. With our stories we *try* to have chapters written in advance. But there are no set timescales per se, it's more when the ideas hit us. Is that right M?
MarieAyanna: That's exactly right. We tried with a schedule before and it didn't work.
Simone: We quickly found out that you can't schedule writing, you need to have your mindset there to be able to be productive.
Kris: Question #__ But do you set aside time at home, or just when the mood hits you?
Simone: Well, we talk to each other every day.
Kris: You keep answering questions before I ask. huffs
Simone: *sorry* :(
Kris: NP
MarieAyanna: We talk every day and some days we have to write to meet deadlines for contests and things but we are always brainstorming and taking notes.
Kris: It must be fun. I'd love to be doing that.
Simone: It's a lot of fun.
MarieAyanna: The only time it wasn't fun is when we attempted to write an outtake of SoF after we completed it.
Simone: Oh my God, that just did not work.
Kris: Why was that?
Simone: We tried and tried and nothing.
MarieAyanna: We hit complete for a reason and we just couldn't put our characters into a scene without destroying what we've already done. It wouldn't have done us or the story justice.
Simone: And to be honest, I think we had taken the characters as far as they could go.
Kris: Hmm. Ok - Change of pace, cuz I'm bored (notreally) Lol?
Simone: LOL
Kris: Question # __ When/why/how did you read the Twilight Saga?
MarieAyanna: I read the series in August of __ after I started seeing all this stuff on TV about a vampire
(K – now realizing it was NOT the brightest move, to leave all numbers deleted)
Simone: For me, I knew about the film before the books. I kept seeing articles on it and eventually I caved and checked it out. We're talking August. I read all the books in __ days during a Public Holiday weekend.
Kris: __ days?
Simone: Yep.
Kris: Have you only read it once?
Simone: No.
Kris: M? (is she even here with us any more?)
MarieAyanna: No.
Simone: Twilight and Eclipse I've read about __ or __ times. New Moon __, Breaking Dawn once all the way and once with a skim.
Kris: How many times?
(K, stupid…you would NOT have to ask that had you NOT deleted the fucking numbers!! Epic eye roll)
MarieAyanna: About __ times but __ for Eclipse.
Kris: Question #__ Which one is your fave?
Simone: Eclipse
MarieAyanna: Eclipse
Kris: Question #__ Why?
Simone: One word. JASPER.
MarieAyanna: Leg hitch! (they really have their own lil language, don’t they?)
Kris: I've never had anyone say that they like Eclipse.
Simone: Really??!
Simone: WOW!
Kris: IDK??
Simone: Seriously, Eclipse just has all these different layers to it - we've got Jasper's story, Rosalie's story, the love triangle, the Third Wife. The Newborns. It's multi-faceted and NOT just a love story between Edward and Bella.
Kris: That's so true.
Question #__ Who is your fave character?
Simone: Um… let me think – JASPER.
Kris: Did M leave?
MarieAyanna: No, just thinking…
Simone: …about who your fave character is? Is it the puppy? It is isn't it? Tthe PUPPY.
(DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT…)
MarieAyanna: I don't have a favorite character, it changes from book to book.
Simone: She's going to kill me now.
Kris: Am I boring you?
Simone: No. I'm having fun
Kris: Correct answer!
MarieAyanna: I'm not bored.
Simone: lmao
Kris: M - do you have a short attention span? Focus!
MarieAyanna: Ha. No, I'm here.
Kris: Question #__ (my fave #). What's for dinner?
Simone: LMFAO
Kris: I need ideas.
Simone: Steak and ale pie.
MarieAyanna: Chicken.
Kris: Ale pie?
Simone: Yep.
Kris: Wth is that?
Simone: Delish. Um, like Guinness…
Kris: Okaayy…
Simone: So, basically steak and alcohol pie.
Kris: That's pretty fucking awesome, I'd say.
Simone: Pretty much.
Kris: Recipe?
Simone: Deeeeelish.
Simone: Braise your steak slowly; add some Guinness, shallots, herbs; slow cook, add a pie crust; bung in the oven. (BUNG??)
Kris: Question #__ Are you RobPattz fans? (thanks!)
MarieAyanna: He makes me swoon.
Simone: If you asked me that a couple of weeks ago, I'd say, not really.
Kris: (this is the part where we drool) What??
Simone: BUT, after seeing the WFE trailer, I'm swinging that way.
Kris: Better.
Simone: I’m a Jackson fan.
Kris: I saw him in October of last year. 100 Monkeys concert to Toronto. He's def cute.
Simone: Don't even get me started about the folder of Jackporn I have stashed on my mac and my phone.
Kris: Aah...I have pic's from the concert
MarieAyanna: She said porn.
Kris: sticks out tongue … oh.. I have a few of those as well.
Simone: Yeah, I don't have anything on that. UK remember? ;)
Kris: They haven't made it there yet?
Simone: NOPE.
Kris: You'll have to come this way again.
MarieAyanna: I don't like them.
Kris: Time it… There were a few funny, good songs, but I really am not a fan either…just went with a group of Twi-moms. “Monkey-something” was funny.
Simone: lalalalalala I can't hear you lmao
Kris: “MONKEY-SOMETHING” WAS FUNNY!!!
Question # __ Do your friends know you write FF?
Simone: No.
MarieAyanna: No.
Kris: Family?
MarieAyanna: No.
Simone: My Mister knows I do. He's forever trying me to get us to incorporate his ideas. I generally shoot them down.
Kris: So you type in the closet? (Mine too)
Simone: Lol, in the closet. Yes we do.
Kris: O.o
MarieAyanna: LOL
Kris: laughing hard Question #__ How old are you?
Simone: In my thirties.
Kris: Lost M again. snaps fingers
MarieAyanna: __'s (did she know I was going to fuck up with the number thingy???)
Simone: Old enough to know better, young enough not to care.
Simone: That's what I say.
Kris: Lol Good motto
Simone: Thanks
Kris: I'm just...OLD
Simone: How old?
Kris: Too old, should have known better. NEVER TELLING!
Simone: LOL Fair enough. ;)
MarieAyanna: LOL
Kris: Keep it under your hats, k?
MarieAyanna: K
Simone: Yes, ma'am.
Kris: Question #__ How long have you been tweeting?
MarieAyanna: A year maybe, I hate Twitter.
Simone: Since September __.
Kris: Why do you hate it?
MarieAyanna: Too much drama.
Kris: I know.
Simone: Yep. And I agree with M there’s too much drama.
Kris: You are a rock star (In response to her tweet) nods, flashbulbs going off in your eyes
Simone: LOL
MarieAyanna: I wish.
Simone: I'd like the Rockstar's money, please.
Kris: Question #__ Have you ever deleted a section of your work? Or had issues with your posting/computer?
Simone: Apart from when FF.net has been a fail, no, I don't think so.
MarieAyanna: Just when FF.net is being a twat.
Kris: Question #__ Have you met interesting authors, other than myself (ha), since the recognition of Disjointed?
MarieAyanna: Honestly we don't get that much from Disjointed. When other fics that are poorly written are getting __ reviews day, there is something wrong with society.
Kris: I'm surprised. Really.
Simone: Disjointed gave me the chance to be introduced to Suzie. who's been pimping our asses out daily and for which we're grateful.
Kris: Why do you think?
MarieAyanna: Because we don't chase around the BNA's and kiss their asses.
Kris: She's cool. Ok. Does that work?
MarieAyanna: Apparenly it does.
Kris: I just kiss asses to get interviews.
MarieAyanna: I can't name names but there are a few out there who do nothing but kiss ass and get pimped like crazy.
Kris: …and then sometimes. I make really nice friends - like you! ;-)
Simone: I think it's a lot of who you know and not what you write, which is a real shame.
Kris: It is. But, does it really matter? I mean, my point of view is that I write for the love of writing. I'd write for one person, I don't care. While the fame might be nice. Idk There’s pressure with numbers.
Simone: With Disjointed, we always said if people read it, great. If they don't, well, they don't!
MarieAyanna: The fandom is full of drama, you either kiss ass or don't.
Kris: I’ve been telling everybody I know about Disjointed, because it’s so good. I have rec'd it on my fic
Simone: You have? Thank you.
MarieAyanna: Thanks.
Kris: YW - I see our time has come to finish up? I don't want to keep you guys. I'd love to chat, though, anytime. Seriously.
Simone: Have you finished asking all your questions?
MarieAyanna: If you have more questions, we can do this again.
Kris: Okay. (seriously, how am I going to get rid of these guys…another session?? Geesh!)
Simone: We can totally continue this again.
Kris: That's so nice of you. smiles
Simone: NP
K – the I’view is officially OVER, but I cannot get these two ‘ladies’ to shut the fuck up!
Simone: Random fact, I can type up to __ wpm (again, seeing the error of my lazy ass ways)
Kris: awesome
MarieAyanna: LOL
Kris: I think I was clocked at 7__ (I think it was probably supposed to be like 700- lol) a long time ago
MarieAyanna: Random fact, I carry a gun
Simone: Whoooaaa
Kris: yikes
Simone: that is fucking random
Kris: I'm totally fucking in awe of you. Damn, girl…
Simone: I see your random fact and I raise you with a Random Fact. I'm double jointed
Kris: muses… only in the States whoa… umm.
MarieAyanna: my pinkies are double jointed
Kris: eww
Simone: My thumbs are
Kris: ouch
Simone: I'm trying to think of another random fact now.
Kris: you know that I totally leave everything in the convo's right?
Simone: I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue - HA
Kris: haha… trying to think.
MarieAyanna: I bet you can't lick your elbow
Simone: No, can you?
Kris: my ankles flop
Simone: Ewwwwww
MarieAyanna: impossible
Simone: WHAT? Your ankles flop?
Kris: I think the tendons idk...got laughing so hard i can't type loose or something b/c when I was a kid, I sprained them ALOT??
Simone: OMG, there's naked penis on my tv
MarieAyanna: I have to go eat before going back to work
Kris: what??
Simone: Random
MarieAyanna: is he tossing?
Simone: No, it was flopping about
MarieAyanna: gag
Simone: not attractive
MarieAyanna: monstah?
Simone: no, not at all
MarieAyanna: lame, he should be ashamed
Kris: guys... lol
Can't think of anything more...next time, I'll have tons.
thinks: I have to find a way out of the ‘next’ interview
THANK YOU!
MarieAyanna: Our pleasure.
Simone: YW and thank you
Kris: Mine. ALL MINE
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